In a stunning move sure to shake up Capitol Hill, yesterday the Jedi Council voted unanimously to endorse the impeachment of President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.
The text of the resolution accuses the unpopular leaders of torture, illegal domestic spying and repeatedly lying in order to start an unnecessary war.
Jedi Master Yoda did not rule out the possibility that he might use the Force to put impeachment on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s table.
"Against the Constitution serious crimes committed have been," he told reporters. "Impeach we must!"
Council member Mace Windu was more blunt.
"Impeach the motherfucker," he said as he walked down the Capitol steps after a private meeting with Representative Dennis Kucinich, who was already a vocal supporter of impeachment and regularly receives advice from the Council.
Vice President Dick Cheney, who was away from Washington to oversee the final completion of his new, ultimate undisclosed location, issued the following statement.
"The Jedi Council is a quaint and irrelevant institution with a track record of failure. If their advice is heeded, the terrorists win. This administration is committed to protecting Americans at all costs unless it means repealing tax cuts."
Asked about the timing of the resolution, Master Yoda cited the National Intelligence Estimate released earlier this week, which stated that Iran’s nuclear program ended in 2003. President Bush was told in August but the information did not stop him from raising the spectre of World War Three as late as October.
"Nuclear weapons they were not developing," he said. "But knew the president did, for months. Yet still the American people he tried to scare!
"Fear is the path to the dark side.
"Need that America does not."
In order for a sitting president to be impeached, a resolution must be introduced in the House of Representatives and passed by a simple majority. If this occurs, the Senate can vote to convict and remove the president with a two thirds majority.
The last president to be impeached was Bill Clinton, who was found guilty of lying about a blowjob. Despite the fact that President Bush’s crimes have cost the lives of thousands of Americans and tens of thousands of Iraqis, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has repeatedly maintained that impeachment is "off the table."